Many years ago I caught an episode of Oprah on pedophiles in the US.  This was not long after a number of cases that had happened over there resulting in the rape and murder of the young victims.  During her show, she interviewed a young girl (if I can recall I think she was about 7 or 8 years old) that was taken right in front of her home but had managed to escape from her abductor later that same day.  The man placed her behind the front passenger’s seat and handcuffed her hands to the bottom of the seat.  That way she was seated on the floor and hidden from view.

On the way to wherever it was the man was heading to, he had to stop to get something from a nearby petrol station.  He gagged her and left her alone in the car, parked some distance away.  He warned her and probably didn’t think much of what she could do because of her young age, left a big bunch of keys underneath his seat.  She managed to reach for the keys and after trying a few keys on the handcuffs, managed to free herself before the man returned.  She ran in the opposite direction and asked for help from the first adult she saw.  By the time the police arrived, the man was gone.

Oprah praised the young girl for her calmness, bravery and ability to think in such a situation.  Many young girls would have just been too terrified to do anything.  The girl replied that she kept thinking about what her parents had always taught her, about talking to strangers and what to do if ever she gets abducted.  Oprah was fascinated by her parent’s advice.  Most parents will talk to their children about not talking to strangers, to not accept candy from strangers, etc., but not many will talk about what to do if the worst case happens which is if the child gets abducted.  Oprah then introduced to the show a child specialist who talked about parents’ advise for young children.  

Among the usual ‘do not follow strangers’ advise was how important it was to explain what abduction is.  To a young child, if you tell them to not follow a stranger, the child will think it’s ok as long as I don’t follow this man away.  It’s ok for me to sit here and play as long as I don’t follow him away.  It’s safe for me as long as I don’t talk to this stranger.  It’s safe for me as long as I don’t take his candy.  That’s why most abductors prey on children while they are playing.  They are unaware of the danger they’re in when they’re having fun.  Makes things easier for the abductor.

Among the advice the specialist had for parents was to tell the child that they should immediately let an adult (known to the child) that a stranger was talking to them or had approached them.  If a stranger tries to grab the child, the child should kick and scream and bite and do whatever the child can to stop the stranger from taking them away.  Stress this point to the child that if the stranger managed to take them away, they will never see Daddy and Mommy again.  She went on to share many more advice which I won’t go into or else this post will never end.

That episode of Oprah opened my eyes.  Although my dotter was still just a toddler, I was already paranoid about her safety.  Malaysia was getting more and more screwed up with our own cases.  When she was old enough to have a conversation with me, I told her about talking to strangers, abductions and what to do, etc.  Not just with my dotter but also with my son.  Both of them know the story of Susie well.

One day Susie took a shortcut and after following her neighbour to an underground den, was brutally raped and murdered.  Of course I didn’t tell them it was from this book.  I sometimes tell these stories as bedtime stories just to freak them out.  But strangely my kids prefers scary stories.  Whenever I tell them a feel good story, they’ll complain it’s boring.  So it’s often stories about the Pig Boy who laughs so that you would look out the window, the Donkey Boy who peeks into homes with the TV on after 10pm, the Wolfman who cuts little boys’ KKJs, the old Por-Por who climbs pipes, etc.

Anyway back to the topic.  So I stress that they have to fight as hard as they can if anyone ever tries to take them.  Kick, punch, bite, grab a screwdriver and stab the guy in the eye, grab a baseball bat, whatever.  Must break free or else you’ll end up like Susie.

Over the years, the kicking, punching and biting became advice to fight off bullies.  My son has some birthmarks on his face.  His sister used to make fun of him by calling him ugly because of his birthmarks.  Whenever someone asked about his birthmarks, his sister would say to him, "See? Auntie say you ugly boy erh…."

My son became conscious of the marks on his face.  He became worried that he would be picked on when he goes to kindergarten (his sister told him this).  His sister used to make fun of him, telling him the other children at the kindie will bully him because of his birthmarks.  They will push his head and tell him "Get lost lah! Ugly boy! We don’t fren with ugly boy wan."  They will kick his bag.  They will push him around.  No one will want to play with him.  I know!  The sister damn mental rite!?

When my son cried because of what the sister had said, the sister will then stop and comfort the brother pulak! *slaps forehead*  "Oklar, Oklar. Dun crylar. People bully you, you fight back lor. You punch them, kick them or bite them like bite stranger like dat lor."

One day my dotter came back from school and she told us about a group of boys who had grabbed this younger boy and had pushed him up against a wall and started to beat him up for what reasons we don’t know.  When we asked why the boy was beaten up, dotter answered "Bcoz he was ugly kua…."  She then added "What happens if next time when J goes to my school and some boys beat him like dat how arh?" creating fear in her brother’s heart.

The normal sane parent would probably tell him, it’s ok, he must show patience, tell teachers, walk away, etc., but I think sometimes kids need to also learn that there are times when it’s ok to stand up for themselves.  I told my son that in such a case, he should fight back.  Kick them in the balls then run to the nearest teacher. :P  Or fight back so that they become afraid of you and run away.

Of course you have to be explain when it’s ok to stand up for themselves.  If someone says you’re ugly, don’t just go kick them lah.  If you feel you’ve done nothing wrong and they come after you like that then it’s ok for you to fight back.  Kick, punch, bite as hard as you can.  My son then asked me what if the teacher punishes him for fighting, to which I assures him that I will back him up by explaining to the teacher.  To be honest, if my son ever got into that kind of situation, I wouldn’t blame him for fighting back.

I remember the first time my dotter was bullied.  She was just 3 years old.  It was at a McD’s play area near our home.  There had been a birthday party earlier and three bigger kids around 5-6 years old were sitting in the play area looking through their gift packs, looking at their stickers and freebies.  Two girls, one boy.

My dotter at that age was a friendly kid.  She could approach anyone and just start talking.  So when she saw these kids with their stickers, she just sat next to them and started talking to them, telling them their stickers were nice.

These bigger more mature kids of course didn’t give my dotter a hoot’s ass.  It’s not that they’re cruel, they’re just kids.  So every time my dotter said something, they would turn their backs towards her and ignore her.  My dotter still didn’t get the message and continued to be friendly with them.  They continued to ignore her and then annoyed, started to call her names, one girl even raised her voice and told dotter to "Get lost!!"

I sat at my table and didn’t do anything.  I wanted to see how my dotter would react and wanted to let her handle herself.  Dotter looked a bit disappointed but continued smiling and talking about their nice stickers. "Wah, nice hor? nice hor?"

The kids started being really rude to the extent of talking loudly right into dotter’s face, "Stupid!" "Yeah! Go awaylah stupid!"  Dotter had to move her face away.  Now all this while, their mothers were at a table right next to the play area.  They clearly saw what was going on but did nothing.  I guess this pissed me off more than the kids.  

Dotter started to get the message.  She felt unpopular, unwanted.  But these are shiny Barbie doll stickers.  Definitely worth the abuse for a 3 year old.  

The last straw for me came when the boy turned around and held up his fist in dotter’s face and started roughly shoving dotter’s shoulder, telling her to go away.  At that point, dotter held her hands together and look as if she was going to break down in tears.  I had to step in and I was already pissed (with their mothers).  I loudly asked dotter "Which boy naughty!?" and she happily pointed out him to me.  "This wan! This wan!"   The boy was still unfazed by my presence until I wriggled my fingers in his face and put a curse on him.  He then complained to his mother that a monster was going to visit him that night.  Wat todo?

It was that incident that left me with the impression that kids sometimes need to be thought when it is ok to stand up for themselves.  If not, they might grow up accepting every piece of shit that is thrown at them.  I’ve seen many adults who do not speak up, especially with work related matters. (Ceh… I say only but I also accept every piece of shit thrown at me :P)

So that’s what I tell my kids and that’s what they will (sometimes) do.  If you remember a boy had kicked my son in nursery and my son shouted at him only to be punched again. :P  Well at least he protested. :P

Sekian terima kasih.  Majulah sukan untuk negara.

Apologize for the long post.  Initially just wanted to post about dotter’s results but ended up straying from topic.  To make things worst, I always said that I would blog about the feud between wifey and her parents but never did.  Now you’re going to be more confused. :P

Anyway. 

Have you noticed that there hasn’t been a tulan post about the wifey for some time now.  As a matter of fact, things have been very peaceful at home.  There’s a huge improvement in the wifey’s relationship with the kids.  I think there are two reasons for this.  One is due to my recent working trip away from home.  Without me around, wifey gets the kids all to herself.  A lot of things can happen in two months.  

But I think the main reason is because the feud with her parents is officially over.  All that has happened before is now forgotten.  Together with the kids, wifey has been going out with her parents quite often.  She has been enjoying shopping with her sister.  Something she did quite often before the feud started.  These days, wifey has toned down somewhat.

My dotter recently got her latest exam results and she did very poorly.  The worst she’s ever done.  Not even a single A.  You all know I don’t care much for As but this time I was disappointed because she just managed to scrape through.  And this time round, she has been attending a study group organized by some of the other parents.  The other kids did extremely well except for my dotter.

I thought of giving dotter a piece of my mind but decided not to because we all know what’s in store for her when her mother finds out.  As usual dotter was worried when she got her results.

But you know what.  Wifey only sounded the dotter but there was none of the usual ballistic bombardment of abuse.  It’s like watching a movie on a pc with cheap Taiwanese speakers as compared to a full blown entertainment system.  I was so surprised I had to read my archives to remind myself what wifey was like before!

I was even more surprised when I heard wifey’s target for dotter’s final exams this coming October.  Instead of yelling out "I want to see all As!!!", she told dotter it doesn’t matter whether she scored As or not.  She just wants dotter to do well enough so that she can stay in one of the two smart classes next year, preferably the same smart class now.  The top 40 students from the whole of last year goes to my dotter’s current class.  Wifey even offered to buy dotter one of those mini Asus laptops if she managed to meet her target.

Did I say I was surprised?  I should really say I was shocked!  The first thing that came to my mind was "What the kucakucikucak is this!? I want a Asus laptop too!"

I had told wifey before that this (dotter doing poorly in her exams) was going to happen.  I told wifey that dotter was distracted.  Ever since my inlaws came back into the picture, dotter has been going out with them.  Sometimes until 2am in the morning.  I feel it’s not appropriate for me to tell my inlaws off.  Wifey should be the one to say it to her parents but she didn’t.  I think wifey is just happy to see that her parents are back in her life again.

I should be happy too but…… I can’t find it in me to be happy.  I still can’t let go of what happened the past few years.  I still remember the things that happened with the feud.  I still feel bitter about the whole situation.  I still feel bitter about how my son was blamed for starting the feud.  How we were blamed for everything. 

I didn’t want to get involve in the feud although I should.  I told wifey at that time, she didn’t do wrong.  I’m on her side but I shouldn’t get involved because it involves her parents and her siblings.  Own family policy.  I handle my parents, she handle her parents. 

So the feud started and I would get updates.  Bits and pieces of it.  Most times wifey would either come back in tears or raging mad.  Some times we had to attend dinners with her grandparents and her parents were there as well, I still greeted my inlaws.  My wife had stopped talking to them altogether.  Many things happened which I wouldn’t go into.  But that was the way things were.  I stayed out of it in the sense that I was not in the battle.  I didn’t bite each time I saw my inlaws.  I continued to be polite and showed them respect (although I lost my respect for them).

But a few years ago when things were still very heated between my wife and my inlaws, with them constantly biting each other’s neck, I received a call from my FIL.  I could hear he was angry and he told me to not go to sleep yet because he wanted to drop by.

Moments later my inlaws and my brother in-law stormed into our home.  It was already past midnight but my MIL didn’t hold back.  She hurled insults at my wife.  She was loud and quite lansi.  It woke up the kids.  I pulled my son to the maid while dotter stood with wifey.  My MIL didn’t care that dotter was there, she continued to hurl insults at wifey.  These things shouldn’t be said in front of dotter but MIL said it anyway.  She shouted at wifey to go die.  To eat shit.  Those were the polite ones.

I stood there and looked at my wife, waiting for her to bite back.  My blood was already boiling.  First my MIL was extremely lansi.  Like Mah-mah in Moonlight Resonance like dat.  Most importantly, MIL shouldn’t say those things about wifey in front of dotter.  My inlaws should have pulled wifey aside if they wanted to have a go at her.  My dotter adores her grandparents.  My dotter lost some respect for wifey that night simply because of what her grandmother said about her mother.

Lastly, this is my house.  You come into my house in an aggressive nature looking for a fight in the middle of the night.  As loud as you can be.  So loud that even my neighbours could hear the commotion.  Obviously MIL wanted to tell everyone what she thought about wifey.

Anyway, I was waiting and waiting and wifey didn’t do anything.  She just kept looking at dotter while my MIL kept on farking her while my FIL and BIL added their pinch of salt.  After they were done, my MIL in the most ‘lansiest’ way stood up and told her gang to leave, "Aiyah, let’s go lah! Waste my time talking to a piece of shit!"

I don’t know what it was but something in me snapped.  I couldn’t let them come and go as they liked, farked us as they liked, without giving them a piece of my mind.  The worst in me broke through.  I farked back.  I banged the table and I think I knocked a chair into the wall, among other things.  My maid came out to pick up and pity her kena from me for no reason at all.  Saja want to add to the drama.

I shouted at them in such a rage, my throat hurt the next day.  My inlaws were shocked.  They always said I was this respectful and mild mannered guy.  I told my inlaws to never speak to my kids again.  I told them to never call again.  We were cutting off ties with them (they had threatened us with this).

My FIL tried to explain that they were just trying to make peace between them and wifey.  I found that to be so pathetic.  The moment they stormed in, there were no signs that they were there for peace talks.  Their actions and body language were aggressive and clearly showed they were there for a fight.  They immediately started shouting at wifey.  Apa peace?

They told me that they just wanted to help me teach my wife.  She had been out of line (during the feud) and doesn’t know how to respect elders.  But honestly, I don’t feel my wife was at fault for the feud.  I understood her actions.  I felt it was justified.  I asked my inlaws to leave.

That night wifey apologized to me.  She was hurting.  She hated her parents.  She said that she had already cut ties with them but her mom kept on picking fights with her, provoking her.  I told wifey to just ignore her mom in the future if she continues to provoke her.  No need to be arrogant about it.  Just ignore what she says and walk away. 

From that night onwards, there were no more incidents.  I continued to be respectful whenever I would bump into them at family functions.  In front of everyone, I would greet them "Pa, Ma" and that was it.  I told my kids to greet their grandparents.  Wifey continued to ignore them.  Things were so ‘min chor-chor’ that wifey’s aunts decided to only invite either us or them for future functions.  Most of the time, it was us because they were closer to wifey.

Since then my inlaws kena lottery.  Business boomed.  They became slightly wealthier.  My BIL and SIL enjoyed their parents luck while we continued to stay away.  We refused their gifts for our kids (remember I wan iPhone).  While BIL and SIL kept asking them for things, we never did.  My inlaws admire us for our principles.  We never looked at their wealth.  We never asked for anything or wanted a piece of it.  (Actually I wouldn’t mind a Nissan 350Z :P)

Although things are good, my FIL regrets what had happened between them and wifey.  He wants to see all their children getting along again.  What’s the point of having a million ringgit home when your children and grand-kids can’t sit at the same table.  So this year with the help of wifey’s aunts, they have been slowly mending the relationship.  They know about my relationship with the wifey.  They know about me asking for a divorce.  As parents, they do worry about their daughter.

Anyway to cut a long story short, the feud has now ended.  My wife and kids and my inlaws all got hehe-haha now. 

Like I said, I should be happy.  But I still feel bitter.  It’s still there.  Every time I think of my son’s sad face when they said it was his fault, I can’t let it go.  Forgive and forget they say but I just can’t bring myself to do it…. yet.  How can I when it still feel this bitter.

ps: Would Mamma Mia! take away the bitterness? :P

I’m not a fan of HK serials or any Chinese dramas.  My wife spends her evenings watching them on Astro.  So does my mom.  I don’t.  So if you ask me this actor’s name or that actress’s name, I have no clue.

A few months ago, V bought dvds of the series Heart of Greed.  I think I have seen my wife and dotter glued in front of the TV watching it before but I never did care.  My cantonese is ‘pun tung suei’ (half bucket water) anyway.

But because of V, I had to spend a weekend some time back watching it with her.  I thought I’d just sit through a few episodes, as long as I fulfilled my responsibilities as her man, as long as I fulfilled my ’spending time’ quota, as long as I did what I’m supposed to do but…… I got hooked into it.  I watched the whole Heart of Greed series and got teary eyed in the process.  That was some time ago.  Lost in my memory chest somewhere.

Recently, I’ve been blog hopping and I’ve seen bloggers blogging about the series Moonlight Resonance especially that crazy chinese woman in Canada.  I’ve seen my wife hitting a divider just to rush back to catch the latest episodes on Astro.  Even the internet cafe near my home has the full episodes in their movies library.

Last week at the apartment, V pulled out 6 DVDs of Moonlight Resonance.  I sighed and smirked.  "What is it with you women and HK serials? You are so easily suckered into these dramas."  I said with every inch of machoness in me while flexing my biceps. "Arrgh! Arrgh!"

30 episodes and approximately one thousand three hundred and fifty minutes later, I was bitching about Hung Jeh, I was bitching about Sa Yi, I was bitching about why Goon Ga Jai still hadn’t made a move on Yu So Chau.  What the hell is he waiting for!?

OMG.  I had turned into an auntie!

Last weekend, I passed by my regular Uncle Ho and waited until there were no customers around before quickly getting down from my car and asked for disc 7 and 8 of Moonlight Resonance.  When I got it, I immediately called V.  She warned me not to watch it without her.  At the apartment I kept calling her.  "Are you here yet? Are you here yet?"

When she arrived with a box of pizza from Pizza_Uno, there was none of the usual *muaks muaks* "How was your day dear?".  There was only "Fai tit lah! Fai tit lah!"

Last weekend, after 10 more episodes of Moonlight Resonance, my transformation into an auntie was complete.  It will take some time for me to regain my full machoness. 

 

ps: I think Heart of Greed was better than Moonlight Resonance.

Yesterday was a Selangor holiday and the kids didn’t have to go to school.  My wife took the day off and had told me on Monday that she had plans for a short trip out of town with her parents and the kids were following her.  She wanted to ‘book’ the kids first.  Since she made up with her parents, they have been meeting up and doing things together quite often these days.  So I was single again for a day. :P

I went out on Tuesday night until the wee hours of the morning.  I had planned to spend the night at V’s apartment as the next day I was meeting someone at the nearby driving range.  It was 3am when I drove into the apartment compound.  As I was pulling up into my parking spot, I saw an unfamiliar Suzuki Swift had parked in my spot.  I was tired and a little light headed so I was a bit tulan to see someone had parked in my spot.  Normally visitors will register with the security post and the guards will have the visitor details including which apartment unit and contact numbers.  But it was late and I didn’t want to drive back up to the security post to go through all the hassle. 

I thought perhaps I could just park in a visitor parking spot and made one round but couldn’t find any spot that was available.  The worst case was to drive out of the apartment compound, park outside and take a long walk back in.  Buthen I came to my senses.  Why I so good wan?  Why should I drive all the way out and walk back in?  My parking spot clearly has my car number on it.  It clearly says ‘Residents Parking Only’.

Besides, I was not in the mood for a random act of kindness.  Perhaps on one of my ‘tou foong’ (headwind) days, I would put a note on the windscreen that says "Even though you parked in my spot and I have the right to scratch your car and puncture your tyres, it’s ok. I love you anyway."  But not today lah.

I got down from my car and looked at the Suzuki’s windscreen and saw a note with a name "Stella" and a mobile number.  Okay, at least she knows the rules and is courteous enough to leave a way to contact her.  But then came the question.  It’s after 3am.  Should I or should I not call her?  She’s probably sound asleep.  Worst still, what if she’s in the middle of ‘ahonka tonk tonk’?

"Aiyah dun care lah! Call!"  I get back into my car and make the call.  It rang and rang and rang and rang again for some time.  Just as I was thinking that she wasn’t going to pick up, she picks up!  She sounds sleepy.  I calmly (wat todo, I’m a gentleman) told her that she had parked in my spot.  You know what was her response?

She gave a long sigh.  "AIIIIIIIIHHHHH…………. ok, ok."  She must have thought about it for a second about asking me to park somewhere else.  She sounded like I was damn kaw mah fan.  Like I was making life difficult for her.  Like I was a really inconsiderate Chinese immigrant who doesn’t deserve equal rights!

A few minutes later, a very tulan looking skinny fella in a pasar malam singlet and bright orange beach shorts came down and drove the car away.  He didn’t even look at me.

Seriously if it was me, I would have probably apologized or raised my hands as an apologetic gesture.  If he had done that, I would have apologized for making the call at 3am.  Heck if it was me, I would have never worn those bright orange beach shorts!  Even when I’m light headed.

I parked my car.  Went up.  Took a 3 minute shower and zzzzzzzzzzzz.

I woke up and realized.  "Niamah! My fault issit!!!"

You say la.  My fault issit!?

Seriously, would anyone of you who wouldn’t have made the call?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Which one is more important, the heart or the brain?  Why?

Do you follow your heart more or your brain more?

My heart and brain seems to disagree all the time.

 

ps: Like dat also can one post. Hehehe.